he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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