Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize