I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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