bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I could fuck to npr.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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