I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
