Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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