if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
