i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
two words...techno handjob
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
