Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i've created a new STD.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
