Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
one two three fourrrrnication!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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