i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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