You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
