I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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