A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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