I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's the barista slut.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
