No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
