So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
