i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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