eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
