he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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