I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
