I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
