people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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