Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
