You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
