Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
