maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
