So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You ruined the universe
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
