shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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