why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
