even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I smell like Dick and happiness
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
