seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
