it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
