Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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