Christians are straight up FREAKS
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
