I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
