If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
