Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
