The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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