Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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