i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
