Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
