She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
