The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
