apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
