I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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