that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
