I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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