u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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