My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
