so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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