i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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