Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize