matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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