i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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