It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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