ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
