oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
