i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
