Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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