I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
