everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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