They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
