Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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