I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize