Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
