Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
