Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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