My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
