so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
