if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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