Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize