Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
