This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
