ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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