my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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