Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
