The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There r osticjed everywhere
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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