Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
