youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
