she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
