I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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