Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Houston, we have a squirter
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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