apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
