K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
