I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
