my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Green mimosas i think yes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
