Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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