Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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