The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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