Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
