he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
