Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
