How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just want to make out with him forever
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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