The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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