He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
