ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
even my farts smell like vagina
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
