This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
