I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't put those talents on a resume
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
