I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
