The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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